the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
