I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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