i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
