listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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