Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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