Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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