lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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