don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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