I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
