She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize