Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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