You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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