There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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