Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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