I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
