dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
