Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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