I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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