Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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