I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
