We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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