It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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