My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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