there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you traded sex for a burrito?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
