i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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