I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
