i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There was a lot of him and a little penis
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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