wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize