Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
