Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
