I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
