i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
