Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
