'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
