what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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