Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
