entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
