Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
