I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
