I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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