I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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