3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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