Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
