i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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