What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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