Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Too much gin, very little bucket
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
