Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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