I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
