like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize