people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
