The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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