woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
