omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
