that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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