Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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