he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
