$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
