Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
