Sponge bath it is.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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