Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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