I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
