In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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