Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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