So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
