North Korea, Best Korea!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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