i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
