whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
