i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
