I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
