I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
