Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
