I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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