Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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