look no pants
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
