Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
