I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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