guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
