i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize