Your mouth is God's brothel.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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