i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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