Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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