I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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