You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
