a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
