I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize