i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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