I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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