I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
