I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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