is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
