No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
