Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
