My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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