Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
