So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
