Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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