Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
