The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
