Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
