My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
