Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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